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[PKMN FULL] Trumpets: Hoenn Chronicles (OOC)

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years

There. Simple is better. Accepted.


Some grammar issues. Your appearance section has a lot of run-on sentences. For example.

This lead to some perks, like in his off hours, (A couple every day), being able to use the facilities that the family offered in their home, such as a swimming pool, state of the art kitchen, and weight room. This could be rewritten as:

His job has some perks. A couple of hours a day, or his off-hours as he call it, he is able to use the different facilities etc etc. I'm also not sure if this should be in the appearance section rather than the history section.

Carries a briefcase on him for carrying food, money, spare suit jacket and ties, badge case etc...

This is a phrase and not a sentence. Also, in my opinion, using etc in literary works is a sign of laziness in the part of the writer. You can end it with badge case or "several other things Maurice deems important to him."

personality:
...at a s similar... there's a lost s. :)

...of what an opponetn.. opponent*

...winning ll eight badges... what is the ll there for?

history:

...Twinleaf Town where a man... Littleroot. Maurice is in the wrong town.

Edit this and you're fine.
 

FireSnow

Show me that Fighting Spirit
2,644
Posts
8
Years
There. Simple is better. Accepted.



Some grammar issues. Your appearance section has a lot of run-on sentences. For example.

This lead to some perks, like in his off hours, (A couple every day), being able to use the facilities that the family offered in their home, such as a swimming pool, state of the art kitchen, and weight room. This could be rewritten as:

His job has some perks. A couple of hours a day, or his off-hours as he call it, he is able to use the different facilities etc etc. I'm also not sure if this should be in the appearance section rather than the history section.

Carries a briefcase on him for carrying food, money, spare suit jacket and ties, badge case etc...

This is a phrase and not a sentence. Also, in my opinion, using etc in literary works is a sign of laziness in the part of the writer. You can end it with badge case or "several other things Maurice deems important to him."

personality:
...at a s similar... there's a lost s. :)

...of what an opponetn.. opponent*

...winning ll eight badges... what is the ll there for?

history:

...Twinleaf Town where a man... Littleroot. Maurice is in the wrong town.

Edit this and you're fine.

Will do! I am shocked by the Twinleaf town mix-up though! I blame my recent activity on Pokemon Diamond :)
 

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years
It's fine. Go edit it! I'm kind of excited how Maurice will interact with the other kids outside the lab.
 

FireSnow

Show me that Fighting Spirit
2,644
Posts
8
Years
Alright I think I fixed everything up, though it is late and I may have missed something...again haha

And yeah I'm looking forward to it as well! His lack of social understanding due to living as a butler all his life will be a fun dynamic.
 
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jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years

Alright, I'll go ahead and accept you!


spell check time!

"...headed towards Hoeen by a small boat. ..." should be Hoenn.

Also, I need you to flesh out your personality and appearance more.

Your appearance is more than being bespectacled, pimpled guy. What color is his eyes? How about his hair? Choice of clothing? Does he have scars or no? These are questions you should ask yourself when making a character's appearance. Add more detail to your character.

For your personality, what is he outside battling? How about friends? Is he easily sociable or socially awkward like all the characters in this RP? What is his view in life? Expand it more.

With that, I think I have checked all pending SUs. As of now, everyone except Tigelreaf, CobaltXIV (who's still in WIP mode) and killer150, are accepted. VM me if I missed you.

Go post.
 

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years
Alright, I'm too lazy to quote stuff so here ya go.

Tigelreaf is accepted.

killer150

"...hid limbs because... his instead of hid
"...simply topples everywhere... topple instead of topples
"...he is very royal to his friends... loyal instead of royal.
"Everyday. his dad would... ;everyday,' instead of 'everyday.' .

I'm too tired right now to point out all the sentences that could have been worded properly and offer a suggestion. Edit the stuff above and we're good to go. I just expect you to write better constructed sentences once the RP starts.
 

Crescent Moon

Ready? Here we go...
43
Posts
8
Years
Can I still join? If so, here's all the info.

Name: Luna Crescent

Age: 17

Gender: Male, but acts completely like a woman (transgender)

Appearance: Luna is 5'9" with slightly tanned skin and a much more feminine body than males typically have. She has shoulder length black hair with a small midnight blue bow on the right side of her hair. She has gray eyes, a somewhat larger than small nose, and can be seen often with a smile on her face. She wears a thin, but opaque, midnight blue long sleeve shirt, black pants, and an extremely dark green pair of running shoes. The sleeves of the shirt are longer than her arms and hands, but are cut in arrow points so that the sleeves go over the backs of her hands and her palms are free and not blocked by the sleeves. She also carries a half black, half white purse to carry anything that she needs to carry.

Personality: Luna has a much more carefree and happy attitude compared to most people and loves jokes, but will have a complete 180 degree flip and be deadly serious if she's either stressed, or the situation calls for it. She's highly protective of those around her, and hates seeing anyone hurt. Although soft-spoken, Luna has no problem conversing with others for long periods of time. No one can tell that she, is actually a he. When it comes to battles, Luna is highly analytical, rarely making the first move and prefers style and decisiveness over brute force. She has a strong fear of water and water type Pokemon, and will try to stay a good distance away from both. Luna has a strong affinity for Dragon type and Dak type Pokemon.

History: Born in Blackthorn City located in the Johto region, Luna (who was known as Akashi) lived happily until the age of 7, when his father died due to a rampaging Pokemon. His mother raised him from then on, and Akashi slowly became more feminine as he spent more and more time with his mother, becoming the daughter she had always wanted. When Akashi was 14, his mother passed away due to illness. The mental strain had a massive impact on Akashi, and led to him changing completely. He threw away his name and was reborn as Luna, successfully hiding his gender and identity from everyone thanks to what his mother taught him. She remained in Johto for a couple more years, enduring a near-death experience that led to her development of hydrophobia. On her 17th birthday, Luna decided it was finally time to explore the world, and boarded a boat going to the Hoenn region with her partner Pokemon with whom she had become friends with while she was 16.

Starter: Dratini (male)
Ability: Shed Skin
Moveset: Thunder Wave Twister Wrap Extreme Speed Iron Tail and Leer


Thank you for your consideration.
 
865
Posts
13
Years
  • Age 38
  • Seen Feb 24, 2024
"If my Squirtle gets thirsty, does that mean he's out of bullets for Water Gun?"

Melody Hughes//16 Years Old//Female//Celadon City, Kanto

90523154-c247-4c22-ba55-6f773e44c39e_zps30f12d10.jpg


Appearance

Melody stands at a height of 4'10" with a slender body build. Her features make her look younger than she actually is, causing others to mistake her age constantly (much to her annoyance). She sports a pair of olive-green eyes and a fair skin complexion as well. Her hair is that of a chocolate brown and by default is quite long. It easily reaches down past her waist in terms of length, and saying that it looks quite untamed would be an understatement. To try and manage its length a bit better, Melody keeps her hair into rather long pigtails. Due of her tomboyish nature, she tends to avoid wearing more girlish colors such as pinks and purples and wear shorts as opposed to skirts and dresses. When traveling, she keeps all her items in a dark green backpack which she wears off her left shoulder.

Personality

Melody is generally an upbeat, peppy girl who seems to have boundless energy and unmatched determination. Once she sets her mind to something, Melody is the type who will keep trying to defy the odds and prove others wrong. Whether or not this is because she has an indomitable spirit or is just too hard headed, it is difficult to say. Melody tries her best to lighten up any situation with encouraging words. She believes that putting on a fresh smile and a good compliment is just the thing anyone needs to try their best. Her hyperactive energy can get the best of her at times, however. Melody is known to be one who flies off into action without thinking about what the consequences could be, which often gets her into trouble. Melody has a habit of rambling off once she begins discussing something she finds interesting as well. A bit of an airhead, Melody sometimes has problems keeping everything straight in her head. To make up for it, she has formed a habit of nicknaming those she meets up with regularly, so as not to end up forgetting their names and looking silly.

History

Melody was born and raised in the Kanto Region. She lived with her mother, a twin sister named Lilly, and grandmother in Celadon City. Both of the older women worked at creating their own line of fragrances and perfumes. While they're company was no where near as famous as many of the other Kanto-region big names, the Hughes name was known locally for its fresh scents and her mother believed it was only a matter of time before they did enter the big-leagues. It was not uncommon for both Melody and Lilly to have to help their mother and grandmother with their business, often going just outside of the city gather various berries and the like create those gentle and pleasing scents. While Lilly seemed to enjoy the work, Melody could hardly stand it.

Melody's mother often had dreams of the twins one day taking on the family business and running it together. While Lilly had no problem with this dream, Melody wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. She had her own dreams of following in her father's footsteps as a Pokémon trainer. Such thoughts caused Melody and her mother to often bump heads and get into rather heated arguments. Melody's father, who had been out of their lives since before Melody or her sister could talk, was a trainer himself. However, his constant absence from the family caused Melody's mother to view him and all other trainers as deadbeats and delinquents. Melody on the other hand, had the extreme opposite view. She viewed trainers as dedicated, hardworkers and wanted nothing more than to follow in her father's footsteps, whom she was sure was a famous trainer himself.

Time passed and despite Melody's wishes, she never got to embark on a journey on her own. Much to her mother's delight, she was forced to keep helping with the family business. One day, while collecting more berries, which had become the norm for her, Melody chanced upon encountering an injured, wild Squirtle. Knowing that her mother would never let her bring it into the house, Melody began to nurse it and take care of it in secret. She made a point to visit the Squirtle, which she would eventually name Coral, several times a day. To disguise her actions a bit better, Melody went on to use excuses such as picking berries and herbs or going shopping for other supplies. At first, her mother was surprised and happy that Melody had taken such a sudden interest in the family business. However, she soon became a bit suspicious over how often Melody was going to perform these errands. Needless to say, it was only a matter of time before she discovered what Melody was really up to.

Outraged by her daughter's constant lies, she insisted that Melody get rid of the Squirtle and was forbidden to talk or be anywhere close to any Pokémon, wild or trained, ever again. Melody refused, causing the two to get into yet another heated argument which eventually resulted in Melody running away from home and the Kanto region all together. Melody had finally made up her mind, deciding to embrace the life of a trainer by not only traveling far from home and conquering the league tournament of a foreign region, but coming home and rubbing the fact that she was a champion in her mother's face. She heard that Hoenn was nice this time of year...

Starter Pokémon

007.gif

Squirtle//"Coral"//Male//Torrent
Tackle - Withdraw - Water Gun - Bite - Aqua Tail - Protect
 
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Tigelreaf

Fairy Tail Trash
93
Posts
9
Years
  • Age 24
  • Seen Mar 30, 2017
Desinishion said:

Hey, I think you should take a look at you last post in the stage thread again. It's kinda hard ro read since there are some punctuation and time mistakes.
You should make clear what you character thinks and what he says.
Andd you're switching between Simple Past and Simple Present. Try tos tick to one tense! :3
Nonetheless I am gonna answer on the points I understood. :)
 
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Legend

Kingslayer
1,308
Posts
16
Years
I was told to join for a mini-reunion of sorts. So I'll give it a shot. Please excuse errors as I suck at typing.

Name: Vincent Baker

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Hometown: Virbank City, Unova

Appearance:
Spoiler:


Personality: They are two sides to Vincent's personality: What he wants you to think and what he actually wants to do. He wants people to think that he has no goals or aspirations, being the living personification of simply living. No purpose, completely guided by his whims and nothing more. And truthfully, that is partially true. Vincent's immediate goals are completely guided by his impulses and desire for adventure and freedom. No parents. No responsibilities. No nothing to get in his way.

However, being completely honest: Vincent wants to make something of himself. In particular, he wants to be something for his baby brother and sister to look up to. Because, really, his parents aren't exactly role models. Even if they are "trying" to be parents, Vincent believes they need someone otherworldly to really motivate them to work hard. This makes his whole journey motivated by selfless desires. But he would never admit that outright.

This being said, Vincent isn't much of a role model either. As eluded to it earlier, Vincent is an admirer of adventure. However, Vincent's version of adventure often involves pushing the limits, particularly of the law as he does anything for a good thrill. Messing with local law enforcement, pulling pranks, skateboarding in illegal places and street art are just a few examples of what Vincent does to get the blood flowing. When he isn't breaking the law for kicks, Vincent enjoys being in nature, finding a recent love in the environment, loving the idea of the sky, mountains and the stars. Occasional naps are enjoyable, as is doodling in his little art book that he carries around in his bag of stuff. In his quietest moments, Vincent loves to create art and stories, something he always did for his siblings before he put them to bed. It's an old habit.

Vincent's greatest strength is his resourcefulness. Having been forced to grow up a bit earlier than everyone else around his age, he has become independent and self-sufficient. This has made him very adaptable, and he quickly adjusts to new situations. He can think on his feet quite well, having years of experience having to do to outrun any number of situations. His constant successes have given him an air of confidence, and he is more than willing to leap into situations firmly believing he will walk away gaining any sort of victory that he was aiming for. Vincent is very dedicated to whatever whims or goals he develops, and will fight the good fight to accomplish whatever he wants. He can think outside the box and is literally willing to do whatever he needs to do to seize his dreams.

On the flip side, his self-reliance comes from his lack of trust in people and aside from a select few, he vehemently refuses to open up to anyone, preferring to keep them at a distance with insults and taunts. His distrust of people tends to be quite crippling, and he is very slow to make friends. In fact, his morality towards people is so bad that he has tendency to betray people flat out. His self confidence has also been inflated by his frequent successes to the point of blind arrogance. He refuses to admit his faults, ever. In fact, his arrogance blinds him to any failures, being senselessly reckless. He is more likely to dive head first into a problem rather than think it out, being the definition of careless.

History: It will be more fun to force him to open up about his past now won't it?

Starter Pokemon: Eevee- Female- Nicknamed "Cecilia"
Move-set:
Tackle
Sand Attack
Swift
Quick Attack
Bite
Refresh
 

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years
I will be reading the SUs and posts soon-ish. I apologize for the delay. Something came up in real life and I'm still working on it. Will be back, Saturday night most probably.
 

jombii

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3,416
Posts
9
Years

You're accepted!

GM NOTES: When interacting with Luna, player specifically mentioned that "no one can tell that she is in fact a he." So mind that guys.

Interested in joining. Is there still room?

Yep. Feel free to make an SU.


You're accepted!


You're accepted!


There are some sentences here that are poorly constructed, probably because English is not your mother language. Like this sentence here.

Right now, he maybe reach his first town in Hoenn Region, Littleroot Town to meet with Professor Birch for registering a legitimate Pokemon Trainer license and begin to challenge the gym leaders in the region. This could be rewritten for better wording to

Right now, Chan reached his first town, Littleroot Town, in the Hoenn Region. He was there to meet Professor Birch to register for a legitimate Pokemon Trainer license so he can begin to challenge the gym leaders in the region.

But I'm gonna ignore that and go ahead and accept you. Just push yourself to read more of the posts and improve your sentence constructions.

There. Four more players joined the fray, bringing the number of players to fourteen. I think I'm open to have at least sixteen players. Something more and I might not be able to manage this RP anymore. unless of course, any one of you is willing to co-GM.

Right now, we're only waiting on Cobalt XIV and Elektra Heart's SUs.
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Apr 4, 2024
Hey, I rewrote some things in my SU to make them easier to understand. :)

But now I have a question:
What's with money? Do the characters have to buy things and work for their money? Will they gain prices after winning a gym battle or a contest? Or is everything free and we don't have to worry about buying Pokeballs and stuff?

Did we ever get an answer on this question? I was wondering the same thing and I can't find any specifications on it...!
 

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years
Did we ever get an answer on this question? I was wondering the same thing and I can't find any specifications on it...!

Oops I missed this.

Money works like how they did in the games. You beat a trainer, it goes without saying that you gain some amount of money. I will not be managing how you gain money but I will be calling you out once in a while if you're spending or collecting absurd amounts of it. Be reasonable.
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Apr 4, 2024
Thanks for the clarification! And pokeballs are the same, right--? We have to buy pokeballs with the money we obtain from battling with other trainers?
 

jombii

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=4][COLOR=#00b05
3,416
Posts
9
Years
Thanks for the clarification! And pokeballs are the same, right--? We have to buy pokeballs with the money we obtain from battling with other trainers?

Wait. Hmm.

I'm thinking keeping track of money is a hard task and not all of us are doing so. More so doing inventory of their current items.

GM NOTES: It is up to you if you're going to keep track of money. Items comes cheap and can easily be bought. However, there is no need to update your inventory everytime you used a Pokeball or something.

Capture rates only depends on the quality of your post.

No items used in the middle of battles.

tl;dr: no more money lol
 
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